Useless
by The More Loving One
Summary: I am the hungry. I am the broken, I am the damned, I am the cold. I am the one who litters the streets in your utopia, begging for what little I have. I'm useless. But even the useless have stories, and this is mine. *Rated T for darker themes. Please note this is AU, and everyone in the story is entirely human.*
1. Chapter 1

It began on the eve of the summer solstice. My mother had sent me off to get some bread, handing me a gilda out of the emergency funds. I wondered why. Surely the solstice wouldn't affect us, and we could eat scraps like normal. Money was scarce. Why would she waste a gilda on a loaf of bread? But I didn't question her. I hurried on my way to the shop, holey boots sucking up mud and filth from the gross, dirty alley we lived in. Rain dripped down onto my head, sticking my bedraggled auburn hair to my face. I mewled. The water was cold and made my skin clammy. My ragged, threadbare "dress" clung to my skinny, childish frame. Wrapping my arms around my protruding ribs, I dashed through the streets. Regretfully, I wasn't looking where I was going. I only saw them at the last minute, and by then it was too late. My tiny body collided into black-clad soldiers, and I was knocked off my unsteady feet. I landed hard on the stone, crying out in pain. The two soldiers smirked at me menacingly.

"Oh, look at the little princess," one said, nudging the other, who also studied me, albeit less mockingly.

"Urchin, do mind where you're going. We have urgent business to attend to," the serious one said. I nodded, relieved to be let off. I headed back towards the shops, never once noticing that the soldiers were armed, and heading off in the direction of my street.

The shops were full for the holiday. I was in line for at least an hour, and in that time the village boys threw rocks at me and called me horrible names. In the end I was sure I had far too many bruises to count. But I steeled myself, and as I approached the counter, I smiled. The shopkeeper eyes me suspiciously, but seemed to relax when I pulled out the gilda. I pointed to a loaf of bread, and he nodded, beginning to wrap it. Suddenly, I felt my hands pulled behind my back. I whimpered in pain, and the shopkeeper looked up, eyes narrowed.

"Boys, let her go," he said. The village boys released my hands, but I frowned. They'd stolen my gilda.

"Give it back!" I protested feebly, voice cracking and then wavering.

"Give what back?" they asked, grinning and elbowing each other before running out of the shop. I felt a few tears stream down my face. The shopkeeper sighed, giving me the package anyway.

"I'll pay for it. You get on out of here," he said. I nodded gratefully, turning and hurrying out of the shop. I couldn't believe my luck. I lifted the bread to my nose, smelling it. It was too good to be true really. And I guess that's why I should've anticipated what happened next.

"Hey girl! Girl! Over here!" a voice called. The street ahead of me was empty, so I turned around cautiously, my heart thumping. The boy was cute, with curly hair, emerald eyes, and a dash of freckles across his nose. I blushed.

"H-hey," I said. He came closer to me and I tightened my body defensively. He cupped my cheek gently, and I felt myself tremble. No one had ever willingly gotten this close to me before, except my mother.

"That was a nice thing for the shopkeeper to do," he said. I nodded, smiling.

"That was my only gilda. I'm grateful he allowed me the bread," I replied. The boy nodded.

"Did you get a good loaf?" he asked. I bit my lip, pulling it out. He looked at it, then held out his hand. I hesitated, but decided someone who was so kind wouldn't suddenly be cruel. I was wrong. I was such an idiot. As soon as he got the loaf in his hand he tore it apart then dunked it into a mud puddle. I let out an indignant cry and he laughed, shoving me down into it as well. The filthy water soaked into my garment, and I started to cry. He kicked me down whenever I tried to get up, and only when he'd had his fill of amusement did he allow me to stand.

"Don't be stupid, street rat. You don't get to have bread, especially on the holidays. You should've already died. I'm surprised someone as useless as you has survived this long." He shot me a final, triumphant smirk, then took off at a leisurely pace down the street. I whimpered quietly, painful bruises covering my side. The bread was half-ruined, but I picked it up anyway, and salvaged what I could off it. I'd give it all to mom, considering that I had ruined everything.

My way home was slow and painful, and several times I had to stop because it felt like I was going to collapse. People in the heavily populated areas looked at me, then looked away, repulsed by the black and blue splotches on my arms and legs, and the muddy raggedness of my clothes. Eventually I got to our street. People stopped talking when I approached, staring at me with sadness in their eyes that sparkled like stars. I frowned. Something felt wrong. My stomach churned nervously. My mother's friend Renee, who lived in the alley opposite ours, burst into tears when she saw me. The sickness in my stomach got even worse. I turned to go the final few steps home, when I froze. The boxes and sheet of tin my mom had propped up to make a roof had all collapsed. The pile of rags she slept on were strained a horrible crimson, and rivulets of red ran down with the rain. I took a step forward, then froze. It was warm. I slowly stared down at my feet in horror, where my shoes were slowly absorbing blood. I screamed, but no one came to help me. I fell to my knees.

"MOM!" I screamed, over and over, until it became a desperate, pitiful sob. My throat was raw, and I was sure that if I coughed it would bleed. My eyes were swollen with tears, but I forced myself to crawl up to the pile of rags.

"You're just sleeping, mom, you're just sleeping... You can't hear me cuz you're under the pile... mom..." I mumbled to myself. I was dimly aware of the fact that the rest of my clothes were slowly turning scarlet as well, but I didn't care. I ripped my way through the rags, waiting for my hands to reach her, but they never did. Eventually the rags were scattered across the alley, and I stopped digging. Then I had a though. The box that covered up my "bedroom" was undisturbed. My bedroom was actually inside the wall of the tenement on one side of the alley. Inside the wall, my mother had made me a sort of nest of rags.

Ignoring the blood, I kicked the box aside, imagining her smile when she came out and explained it was all just a joke, and the red was juice, and that we were having a solstice party after all. But it came up empty. I screamed again, and a trickle of blood from my cracked throat trickled over my chapped lips. I ripped through my own rags, desperately searching for a hint of life. A scrap of paper brushed against my fingertips. I snatched up the note.

 _Xiao_ , it read. _When you get this, I will be dead. Someone reported me for our emergency funds. They claimed I stole them. I knew they were coming ahead of time, so I had you leave. I hope you made it home safely, and I hope that gilda bought you some bread, because I have no idea when the next time you'll eat is. They took most of my emergency money, but I hid some in a loose floorboard under your pallet. There's no way they'll look there. At least, I hope so. I love you Xiao. I loved you more than anything else in the world, and I wish this never would've happened. I wish I could've given you a warm home, food, and clean water every night. But I couldn't. The world turned its back on me. But I have hope for you, love. I know that you can do much better than me. I can't really say anything else except I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. Even when I'm dead and gone I'll never stop loving you. I'll watch over you from wherever I go. I love you, Xiao. Love, Mom._

I ripped open the floorboard and pulled out a small pouch. I tuck the note into it, my body moving mechanically. I can't tell you how I felt then, because I didn't feel anything at all. I acted like everything was normal, taking my clothes off, dipping them in a bucket of rainwater and hanging them up to dry in my hole in the wall. I moved the box back in front of the entrance, and rearranged my rags. I laid down in them, the familiar feeling of cloth surrounding my naked body lulling me into a fitful, nightmare-fueled sleep.

When I woke up the next morning, my senses were on red alert. I couldn't relax, and my heart was constantly hammering against my chest. I dressed quickly, forgoing my bloodstained boots. My dirty-white "dress" was tinged slightly pink. I flinched at the sight, lifting my head so I wouldn't have to see. The bloody alley had been wiped clean by the rain. I caught sight of the wet pulp that remained of my bread near the storm drain. I hurried past it, avoiding it as best I could. The pouch felt heavy, tucked into my undergarments. My stomach growled and I cringed. It had been three days since I'd last eaten, but I couldn't worry about that now. I had to get away. My feet padded along the pavement, directionless. I walked and walked for hours, until my body collapsed of its own accord. I laid on the sidewalk, and slowly closed my eyes, crying. I don't know how long I stayed in that position, but I was there for quite a while. I laughed through my tears.

 _You really are useless, aren't you? You have money, you have a place to sleep. You could be worse off than you are. Your mother must have died in vain if she had hopes for a pathetic girl like you,_ a cruel voice whispered in my ear.

 _It's okay to be sad. You've lost your mother. But you have to get up. You have to find something to eat, and go home,_ said a much kinder voice.

"I can't…" I whispered, my voice rough and hoarse. "I can't…" My eyes fell closed, and I wasn't sure that they would ever open again.

But they did.


	2. Chapter 2

When I did wake up again, it was to the sound of unmerciful shouting, muffled and unable to be understood. I sat up, realizing I was naked, clean, and most importantly, in a place that I'd never been before. I bit my lip nervously. Had I been kidnapped? My heart pounded in fear and I started to sweat. I desperately looked around for a weapon but the room was basically barren. The only things in the room were the bed and a small nightstand over in the corner. I stood up, pacing. I felt trapped. I looked out the only window, and to my shock, I was really high up, at least three stories by my estimate. I gulped, taking a few steps back. I laid back down on the bed. I was doomed. The voice in my head was right. My mother had died in vain for someone stupid like me. I closed my eyes. Maybe if I pretended I was dead they would leave me alone. Their voices drifted closer and I was able to hear them clearly.

"She's useless! How is she gonna help us provide? You have to stop being so softhearted, Toan! Just because you see someone who needs help, doesn't mean you should give it, especially if they can't give anything back in return," yelled a brash girl.

"How do you know she's useless, Ruby? We haven't even talked to her yet!" a boy shouted back in response. Another girl chimed in.

"Then how about we stop messing around and go in and wake her up?"

"We should watch her for a while first! What if she's one of... _them_?"

"Max, if she were a soldier we wouldn't have found her filthy and collapsed on the street," the first girl said sarcastically.

"You don't know that, Ruby! I'm telling you, rushing into something would be stupid! What if she's dangerous?"

"I think we can take her. She must weigh, what, ninety pounds soaking wet?" a gruff, thick voice chimes in.

"Why does everything have to be violence and suspicion with you all?" asked the first male voice. A light set of footsteps sounded, and then a final voice, a gentle, sweet female, stopped them all in their tracks.

"Everyone be quiet. Go downstairs. If I need help I'll call for you," she said. I instinctively felt my heart melt, then refreeze at the motherly tone in which the woman spoke.

"But Mikara-" came a chorus of voices.

"Please. Let me handle this," the woman insisted. The rest of the people left, mumbling and protesting under their breath. The doorknob rattled, and I opened my eyes, feeling myself tremble in anxiety. The door opened, and a young woman came in. Her hair was double braided, and she had the kindest brown eyes I had ever seen. I sat up, wrapping my sheet around myself. The woman smiled, sitting down at the end of the bed.

"Hello," she said softly. "My name is Mikara."

I stared at her, hesitating. She laughed quietly, taking my hand. I shied away, flinching.

"Shhhh, it's okay. It's okay, little one. I'm not going to hurt you," she cooed, and I slowly relaxed my arm. She studies my bruises, a concerned frown playing at her lips. "These don't look good. I'll have to put some healants on them. What's your name?"

"I-I'm Xiao," I answered hesitantly. She nodded.

"When was the last time you ate and drank?" she asked, continuing to check me over. I averted my gaze.

"A-A few days ago. My mom... My mom..." My words froze in my throat, and I felt my eyes sting and water. Mikara noticed, cupping my cheek with her hand and brushing her thumb along my cheekbone. I shivered, closing my eyes at the familiar touch of love on my skin.

"How many is a few? Can you remember?" she asked. I bit my lip, racking my brain.

"Um... Five for eating, if you count today. I drank some rainwater yesterday," I admitted. Her frown grew more pronounced.

"How did you get these bruises?" she inquired. I cringed.

"Th-The village boys. They like to throw stuff at me," I whispered. She nodded.

"One last thing, and then I'll help you get dressed and we can go downstairs, okay?"

"Okay."

"Where is your family?" Her tone was gentle, but the onslaught of images burning in my brain can't be tamed.

"I... I can't... D-Do you have my pouch?" I mumbled. She nodded, pulling it out of a pocket in the apron she wore over her dress. I opened it, giving her the note. She read it over, and as she did, her own eyes watered. When she finished she gave it back to me, then helped me up. She wrapped her arms around me, and my body stiffened, then sunk into the hug. Sobs rose from my throat unbidden, and she refused to let me go. She was warm, and soft, and she smelled like baked treats and flowers. For a moment, I allowed myself to indulge in the comfort of another person, gripping her dress in my tiny fists. She soothed me, but I couldn't make out the words because I was consumed by the love that seemed to radiate off her. After a little bit I let go, looking down at my feet.

"Sorry..." I apologized, my voice sounding tiny and hollow even to my own ears. She waved it away, crossing to a small door. She opened it, taking down a few hangers with different outfits on them.

"I hope you don't mind, but I measured you while you were asleep. I wanted to make sure I had something for you to wear that would fit you. I also gave you a bath and brushed out your hair. I wanted to make sure you woke up as comfortable as possible," she said, coming back over to me. She handed me a pair of soft white undergarments that I slipped on quickly. Then she put three different outfits on the bed. One was a white muslin dress that had spaghetti straps and would reach my knees. The second was a sweater and a pair of jeans. The third was a knee-length skirt and a t-shirt. I stared at them, until I realized she was waiting for me to choose. I looked them over, finally deciding on the skirt one. Then I went on autopilot. Even though I was thirteen, she lifted my arms and pulled the t-shirt down over my skinny torso, then helped me with the skirt. Lastly, she gave me a pair of soft white ballet flats to wear. I studied myself. For once in my life, I looked almost pretty. The only way you could tell I lived on the streets was how skinny I was. Mikara came up behind me, running a hand over my hair.

"You look beautiful," she said. I looked up into her kind face and even though I couldn't smile, I felt some of the heaviness on my shoulders fade away.

"Thank you... For everything," I whispered. She nodded, taking my hand. She slowly led me out onto the landing. It was small. Next to my room, there was a purple door with a bunch of punk band stickers and a sign on it that said keep out. On the other side of the landing, there was a red door with a crown on it, and a door that was a plain, friendly white. The landing itself was pretty narrow, with just enough room for two walkways and the stairs in the middle. On either side there was a window, each with a window seat built in. It was designed with dark wood and white accents here and there, such as the curtains. I inhaled the smell of lemon cleaner and general lived-in scent that makes you think of home. Or at least, that's what it made me think of. But what did I know, I was a gutter rat. Mikara pointed at each of the doors in turn.

"The red one is Ruby, the purple is Monica, and the white is the bathroom on this level. This is where all the girls sleep. The next floor down is for the boys." We went downstairs together, and I marveled at how different it felt to walk down actual stairs. I'd never experienced it before.

The next level was the same as the first, except three of the doors were differently colored. There was an orange one with a bunch of different drawings hanging on it, a green one with a few hunting stickers and a picture of a large boy wearing camo on it, and a light blue one with a weird contraption across it.

"Down here, the orange is Toan, the green is Goro, and the blue is Max. You'll meet them all in a minute," she said kindly. We went down another flight of stairs that opened into a living room where seven people were sprawled out. When we came in, everyone looked up. I looked at them, seeing if I could place them all.

Monica was wearing torn up punk clothes. Black skinny jeans, a black band t-shirt, and her red hair was shaved on one side. She had snake bites, an eyebrow piercing, and a lip piercing. She narrowed her eyes at me, then sinks back into conversation with the blonde boy next to her, who's fiddling with a piece of scrap metal. He was wearing a light blue hoodie and blue jeans with a white button up underneath. That must be Max. Goro was watching tv, I recognized him from the picture and the amount of camo he was wearing. That left Toan, who was drawing on a big pad that took up almost a whole coffee table. He was wearing a paint splattered t-shirt and black jeans. The girl next to him must have been Ruby. Her hair was braided down her back, and she wore a short red dress over black leggings.

Mikara nudged me forward.

"Everyone, this is Xiao. She will be staying with us for now," she said. I looked down at my feet, waving half-heartedly. Mikara frowned. "Xiao, go make some friends. We'll be having dinner in an hour or so." She left, and I tentatively worked my way over to sit across from Toan.

"H-Hi," I stuttered. Toan smiled.

"Hello," he said easily. I looked down at his drawing. It was him, but he was wearing funny clothes.

"What's that?" I asked, gesturing to it.

"He's drawing a comic of us," Ruby cut in. Toan nodded, flipping through the book and showing me different sketches. He studied me for a minute.

"Do you mind if I put you in?" he asked. I shook my head and he beamed. "Awesome."

"So Xiao, we all have jobs. You're gonna have to get one too. Do you have any marketable skills?" Ruby questioned. Toan shot her an angry look, but she ignored him. I frowned.

"Uh... Um, I don't know. I've never had a job before," I answered nervously. Ruby rolled her eyes with a scoff.

"Leave her alone, Ruby," Monica said.

"Whatever, fine. But when she gets to freeload off the rest of our backs, don't come complaining to me." Ruby stood up, storming out of the room. Monica rolled her eyes, coming over to sit by me.

"What did I do wrong?" I asked quietly. Monica sighed.

"Ruby's not good with new people," she answered.

"But she seems to hate me!" I protested, looking around the room. No one except Monica met my eyes.

"She does," Monica said. "But she'll come around, in her own time and way. That's what she's always done. Excuse me." She squeezed my shoulder reassuringly, then went after Ruby her stride full of determination and purpose. I got the feeling everything she did was full of determination and purpose. I sighed, resting my head on my knees.

It was important to remember that I could have it a lot worse. I had lost my mother, but I could be out on the streets. Ruby hated me, but I could be dead. I didn't really have room to complain, or ask for better. So I curled up, watching Toan sketch until Mikara called us for dinner.


	3. Chapter 3

Compared to the silence of the living room, the dining room was deafening. A long, set table took up a majority of the space. There was room for at least ten people along it, including the top and bottom edges. Ruby and Monica sat together, heads bent. They looked to be arguing about something, and it was probably me. Toan was opposite Ruby, hunched over his sketchbook. His hands moved smoothly, rhythmically almost, across the paper. Blank spaces were quickly covered in lines that almost immediately became shapes and characters and panels.

I sat down by him, across from Monica. Best to be closest to people who had actually shown some semblance of kindness to me. Max sat beside me, giving me a small smile. But he angled himself away from me, almost as if he were afraid. Monica smiled at him gently, reaching across the table and caressing his hand. It was a small thing, but I couldn't help but notice. Goro sat down across from Max, grunting in acknowledgement. I saw a candy wrapper tucked hastily into his pocket and stifled a giggle.

"Xiao, what do you think of this?" Toan asked me suddenly. He slid the pad over to me. He had drawn me, and gotten me remarkably right. In his imagination, my body wasn't all hard lines from hunger and pain. Instead my features were softened, and my bright amber eyes had a protective shine in them, even through the black and white. My breath caught and I just barely resisted the urge to caress the paper.

"I'm beautiful…" I whispered in awe. Toan smiled at me.

"I'm glad you like her. I don't know what I want her to be yet. I have to get to know you a little more." He studied me earnestly for a moment, then went back to one of the panels he'd been working on previously. In it, Goro was head to head with a man who looked suspiciously like the soldier who had mocked me. I leaned over Toan's shoulder.

"Who is that?" I asked, gesturing to the man. Toan laughed derisively.

"That's-" he began, but was interrupted by Mikara as she came into the room.

"Toan, what have I told you about drawing at the table?" she asked firmly, though the kindness in her voice never left it. He shrugged sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sorry Mom," he said, gently making sure his page was smudge-proof before closing it and setting it carefully on the floor under his seat. She smiled at him and ruffled his hair lovingly. I felt a pang in my heart.

"Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"Goro asked, leaning back in his seat. Ruby snickered.

"Does it matter even matter? You'll eat it anyway," she teased. Goro reached behind Monica and pushed Ruby, almost knocking her out of her chair.

"We're having chicken, now stop rough-housing. Xiao, what would you like to drink?" Mikara asked me. Suddenly, everyone's eyes were on me. I resisted the urge to flinch.

"W-" I started, then paused. A distant memory of cold, creamy milk came to me and I licked my lips, practically feeling it down my throat. "Well, um… Do you have milk?" I asked. Mikara nodded.

"Of course. I was just making sure I knew what you wanted before I brought you anything. The first night we had Ruby she threw a hissy fit when I tried to bring her the same juice that Toan and Monica were drinking." She laughed, and the sound filled me with warmth. "Do you want to help me serve dinner?"

"Sure," I said and I slid out of my chair, following her into the kitchen. Once we were inside and out of sight she smoothed my hair.

"How are you doing? I'm sure it's hard to adjust to such a big family."

"I'm… not good. But I'm far from bad." I scuffed the ground nervously. "I just… I really miss my mom." A tear snaked its way down my cheek and I wiped it away. Mikara wrapped her arms around me and before I could react she pulled me close. I stiffened immediately. Only my mother had ever held me before. I didn't know what to do. Sensing this, she let me go and settled for caressing my face with her thumbs once.

"I understand, sweetheart. But we've got you now. We'll protect you, and keep you safe. Everyone will come around." She paused for a moment. "Even Ruby. And I know I'll never be the mother you lost, but I hope you can still find a home here." She kissed my forehead then gave me a gigantic bowl of mashed potatoes. I had to wrap both arms around it to carry it.

She missed my tentative smile as she turns around.

I set the bowl out on the table and go back to help, only to crash into a tall, dark skinned man.

"Easy there, child." He straightened me out and then stepped aside so I could go through the door, but I was struck by how tall he was.

"Who are you?" I asked. He laughed, a rich throaty sound that felt like what I always imagined chocolate to taste like.

"My name's Ungaga. Although most of these guys out here call me dad." He smiled at me. "You must be Xiao. It's a pleasure to meet you awake and cared for. I'm blessed to have a wife who knows so well how to heal and help others. I'm sure you must have plenty of questions, but I have to help my beloved with dinner. Take your seat, I'm sure you must be hungry." He doesn't give me a chance to respond before he's inside and I have a plate of rolls I didn't even know he was carrying.

I set them down as well, and reclaimed my seat by Toan.

"Are you guys all really…?" I trailed off. Toan laughed.

"Nah. They took us in as well, though we all came from different places, different situations. They take care of us and we do our best to take care of them in return. We call them mom and dad because we love them. They've been parents to us more than anyone else ever has." He smiled and it was full of so much love and pride that I was easily captivated by it. I could feel the warmth of it as if I were standing in front of a barrel fire during the winter.

"You must really love them, huh?" I asked. Toan nodded.

"More than anything. Mom, dad, and then all of us here at the table? They're my family. I don't know what I'd do without them."

"You're such a sap, Toan," Monica teased from across the table. I felt Toan kick across the table at her.

"Yeah yeah but look at you and Max. You're just as sappy as I am."

"Am not," she said, kicking him back. I giggled quietly to myself. Mikara and Ungaga came in, Mikara carrying a salad bowl and Ungaga carrying a tray with two chickens on it. My eyes widened at the sight of so much food.

I may have drooled a little.

"Ungaga, love, I forgot the gravy. Do you mind running and getting it?" Mikara asked. He kissed her forehead and set the chickens down before returning to the kitchen. When he came back out, he took a seat at the foot of the table. Mikara remained standing.

"Xiao, sweetie, help yourself first while I get the drinks. Then the rest of you may make your plates." She vanished into the other room again.

"Is dinner always this complicated?" I pondered. Max laughed softly next to me.

"No, usually we just make ourselves plates and drinks in the kitchen then come out here to eat. Sometimes, we don't even eat the same things. Mama likes to have more formal meals on special occasions though." He smiled at me.

"Who cares? Are you going to make a plate or not? You're not the only one who's hungry, and we've actually worked for our meals." Ruby scowled at me, her green eyes cold and hard.

"I-I'm sorry-" I stuttered, drawing back.

"No. Ruby should be sorry." Ungaga said sharply. "Apologize to her, Ruby."

"...No. I don't think I will. Tell mother I'm not hungry." Ruby stood abruptly and stormed out of the room. Monica rolled her eyes.

"Forgive her. She's…. territorial at best." Monica shrugged, running her tongue across her lower lip and fiddling with her piercings.

"What did I even do?" I asked, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Nothing. You have done nothing wrong. Ruby has things in her past and she has yet to learn how to work past them." Ungaga kindly smiled at her. "Everything will work out."

"I've been told that my whole life. Forgive me if I'm not quick to believe you." I fiddled with the hem of my skirt. I could feel them exchanging looks around me, but thankfully Mikara brought the drinks in at that moment, and we all settled back in to eat.

"Where's Ruby?" Mikara asked Monica quietly. I pretended not to hear as I helped myself. Once I was finished everyone else started passing and serving. I pushed the food around my plate.

"She went upstairs. She's probably sulking in her room with her headphones in," Monica answered. Mikara sighed then sat at the head of the table, next to Ruby's painfully obviously empty chair.

"I'd like to propose a toast to Xiao and her new life here," Mikara said. The others raised their glasses and I blushed, looking down at my cup. It was filled to the brim with cold milk. When everyone took their cups I carefully stuck my tongue in mine to taste. It was just as I'd remembered. I greedily drank the whole cup then paused. Toan laughed.

"Milk mustache," he said, tossing a napkin at me. I wiped my face clean, grinning happily. He picked up my cup.

"More milk?" he asked teasingly. I nodded, but Mikara stopped him.

"She should probably have more water, help hydrate her."

"Yeah, you're right," he said and it was in that moment that I could feel exactly how hungry, thirsty, and tired I was, no longer distracted by the newness of the world. I flinched slightly.

"Yeah," I agreed. He ruffled my hair then slipped off to refill my cup. I looked down at my plate. It was nothing short of glorious. I dug into the chicken with my bare hands, barely suppressing a moan of pleasure. In less than a minute the pile on my plate was gone and I picked up a spoon in my shaking hand. I struggled with it to scoop mashed potatoes swimming in gravy into my mouth.

"Mmmm," I groaned, unable to stop myself.

"Ma, how come she gets to eat like that?" Goro asked. Mikara laughed.

"I raised you better," she teased. They continued to eat around me and it blew my mind that these people had food like this all the time. I shoveled food into my mouth until my plate was clean, then stopped. My stomach growled insistently, but before I could even say anything Mikara scooped some more mashed potatoes onto my plate.

"Only soft things now. And not too much. We need to get you adjusted to eating regularly. Don't want you to get sick," she explained gently. "When we first took in Monica she gorged herself on pizza until she threw up. We don't want that to happen to you."

"Pizza?" I asked.

"You don't know what pizza is?" Monica asked. I shook my head and Monica laughed.

"Oh yeah we're definitely doing pizza soon," she declared. Mikara shook her head, smiling to herself.

"Let Xiao eat in peace," she said. I felt an unfamiliar stretch across my face and realized that I was smiling. Actually, properly smiling. The thought made me smile more, but then I instantly felt guilty.

"Um.. Can I be excused? I'm tired all of a sudden," I asked softly. Mikara frowned, but nodded.

"Go ahead dear. If you want to come down in a while we'll save you some dessert."

I nodded, and my stomach rumbled in agreement but I forced myself away from the food and upstairs to what was going to be my room. I threw myself on my bed, crying quietly into it.

"I'm sorry mom… I'm so sorry. I haven't forgotten! But it's warm here and there's food and I don't wanna go home! I'm sorry!" I sobbed.

And that's how I passed out.


End file.
